in Blog Post

Fixing the Dents in Confidents

Alright, ’bout that time again!

I’ve been averaging one post per month here, but that will increase. The reason for allowing so much time to pass between updates is because I’m changing my life. And that takes time.

Remember how I said that I will rewrite my thoughts? Well, that takes time in order to stick. And you know what? It’s working.

I have been slowing, habitually, and RELENTLESSLY changing my own thoughts about myself and how I relate to the world. I am erasing my self-perceptions that have been causing me to hold myself back.

The afore-linked blog post also mentions that I resolved to put the OUT in rOUTine. I have been getting back out, confronting my utter disdain for Los Angeles traffic in order to actually engage in the culture around me. Thing is, this has been even more enlightening than I expected it to be.

For example, I finally made the effort to renew my Los Angeles Public Library card and have started teaching myself on topics that I have always felt outside/inadequate in my talent or understanding. I’ve come to realize that I have belonged to these interests all along. I was only waiting to give myself the acceptance I was looking for.

Andy Warhol. I recently attended a gallery of his work and have been studying his art and personal life. I find that I identify with him much more than I expected. Beat/beatnik writing and the art from that era. . . I also see now that it had to fight for the general acknowledgement/acceptance even as an art form; let alone one that would be studied and praised.

Warhol Revisited LA Gallery

I’ve stopped looking for advice, opinions, and the like, because I see now that the only way to have self-confidence is to have utter trust in yourself. You have to believe in yourself, your talents, your vision of the future. It’s the only way to actually create that future into a reality.

I am often critiqued on the manner in which I am pursuing my dreams. I’m not expecting that to stop. My goals of being an actress, artist, photographer, or any other thing I choose to be in the moment are ALL things that a specifically meant to be consumed and criticized (in good or bad ways). What I’ve changed is the voice to which I listen and respond.

I can’t compare my artistic journey to anyone else’s.  I am the only one living my life and pursuing my success. So I have to believe in my success BEFORE ANYONE ELSE.

Warhol was ignored or mocked for his 32 paintings of Cambell’s Soup cans. Yet now they are valued at greater than 100 million dollars.

Believe it into reality. That’s how it’s done.